Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
