I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
