if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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