I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize