I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
