awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
