Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
