I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
