Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
