I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
