i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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