Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
