Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
