he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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