i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
