i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
