i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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