so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
