so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
