would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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