no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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