I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
