My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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