I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
