It would be one hovered percent delicioui
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
