I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
