Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
