I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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