Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
