it hurts more in the daytime
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
