I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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