This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
