shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
