matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
