What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
