Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
