can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
