Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
