Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
