but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
