haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
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He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
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I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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