did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
