Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
