the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
