i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
