watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Randomize
