he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize