I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
