around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
