A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
