I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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