I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
