Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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