So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
