Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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