My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
