singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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