my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
