One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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