dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
