it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
