Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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