Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
