I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
