she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
