Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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