if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
