our cab driver is having phone sex.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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