I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My bed smells like the plague
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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