Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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