I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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