I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
