I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
